At Age 44, Freelance Announcer Aika Kanda Dreams About Poop

On May 29th, I turned 44 years old. Half of my life is over. I feel like I’ve been living decently so far, but honestly, I’m at a loss when I think, “Do I still have to work this hard going forward?” However, the dream I had on the first night of being 44 was wonderful, it motivated me, saying, “Alright, let’s keep going strong!”

 

It was a sunny spring day. I wore a long skirt with five frills from a brand called Red Valentino and went to Ginza. It’s a brand I’ve loved for years, but they discontinued production last year. I couldn’t find it anywhere anymore, so I wanted to cherish it for a long time. Along the way, my stomach started hurting, and I thought, “Maybe I need to go to the bathroom? I’m glad I had a bit of a bloated stomach,” so I stopped by the restroom at Mitsukoshi Ginza. 

I sat on the toilet seat and strained (mmm). But nothing came out easily. I pushed harder once more. Then, with a pop! pop! pop!, three firm poops came out like they were jumping. “Phew”. I hoped more would come out to ease my stomach, but it seemed to be over for now. I wiped myself with toilet paper. But then, surprise! My bottom was exposed! No, not really exposed, it was covered in cloth and not bare. (Ugh! Why!?) I nervously looked at my bottom and realized I forgot to lift up the frill at the bottom, and I had done my business while still wearing my skirt.

 

“Oh no!” I exclaimed. It was my precious Red Valentino skirt. It must be so dirty that it couldn’t be shown. But there was nothing I could do about what I had done. Luckily, when I stood up, there were four layers of frills above it. (If I walk with a straight face, no one will notice around me!) I resigned myself and stood up, and then clink.  Medium-sized, firm, round poops like superballs rolled out onto the floor. (Oh no.) 

I woke up just as I wanted to run away. (What the heck! Was it a dream! Thank goodness!) I cautiously checked my bottom just to be sure, but everything seemed normal. Looking at the clock, it was still 5 AM. (The first dream I’ve had since turning 44, and it’s about accidentally pooping, how embarrassing.) Feeling pathetic, I glanced out the window, noticing it was getting slightly brighter outside. However, there was a much brighter light inside the room.

My husband, who should have been sleeping beside me, was watching the American drama 24 on his smartphone. When I exclaimed, “Already!” he took out his earphones and said, “Huh? Are you awake?” He wasn’t exactly expecting a conversation suitable for just waking up, but unable to bear the embarrassment of experiencing such a terrible “first dream” alone, I told him about it.

 

The worst turned into the best,  my husband said with a smile.

Pausing 24, my husband listened to the end and when I asked, “Isn’t this the worst first dream ever?” he replied, “Aika, even at 44, you’ve embraced ‘luck’.” I was amazed by his perspective. Poop equals luck. Seeing that on your birthday is lucky. (“I still have good things coming to me, right!? Awesome!”) It turned into the best first dream ever. 

Will he be revolted by this? “Dirty, stop in the morning,” he may have refused. When I think about it, I feel like I really got married to a wonderful person and conveyed my overflowing gratitude.

Both of us were born in May. So every May we dress up and go to French dinner together. This year, I chose a Red Valentino dress. It was a pink one-piece dress with all the sequins spread out on a 17-tier skirt from the waist. Every time I walk, the frills sway and sway, and the whole body shines glittering in the light of the street. I bought it last year and kept it for this day without wearing it once. I was happy to wear it at last, skipped the night road, turned round and round. My husband was working hard to take videos and photos while saying, “Wow, you’re wearing something amazing again.” He never said “stop wearing such a flashy dress,” and made me be myself. I thanked you again with a loud voice echoing in the night sky.

Ai Kanda, 44 years old. I hope this happiness continues. To do this, housework, work, play, and all the rest, every day!

Aika Kanda, born in 1980 in Kanagawa Prefecture, graduated from the Faculty of Science and Mathematics at Gakushuin University. She joined NHK as an announcer in 2003 after graduation. In 2012, she left NHK and became a freelance announcer. Since then, she has been active mainly in variety shows, and currently serves as the main MC on the daytime show “Pokapoka” on Fuji TV.

From the June 28, 2024 issue of FRIDAY