Can’t Bring Yourself to Say “I’m Quitting”… What Are “Weak Ties” and How Can They Help You Escape the “Quagmire of Good Intentions” Lurking in Communities in the Social Media Age?

<You joined a hobby group or study circle on a whim, thinking, “This looks fun.” It was supposed to be enjoyable at first, but before you knew it, you were entrusted with organizing events and handling the finances, and your weekends were consumed by unpaid work. Unable to bring yourself to say you want to quit, you gradually become physically and mentally exhausted—.   Right now, the number of people quietly voicing this “community fatigue” is quietly on the rise.

  In response, Professor Norihiro Nihei of the Graduate School of Information Science and Technology at the University of Tokyo—a leading expert in volunteer research—notes, “The better a community is, the higher the risk that certain individuals will burn out.” What is the pitfall known as “goodwill” lurking within Reiwa-era communities?〉

Exploitation in the Name of Fulfillment? The True Nature of the “Quagmire of Goodwill”  

This “pitfall” has a structure akin to a “quagmire”—once you step into it, you cannot escape. Professor Nihei explains that the reason for this is that freedom and loneliness are two sides of the same coin.

“Being free is inextricably linked to being lonely. Unless you belong to some kind of community, you have to decide everything about yourself on your own. While this may be freedom for some, for others it can be nothing but suffering.”  

That’s precisely why the anxiety—‘Is this really the best community for me?’—constantly lingers. Some people might find themselves hopping from one community to another, thinking, ‘There might be a place that suits me better.’”

For this very reason, when people finally find a place where they feel, “This is it,” they try to commit to it with all their might. Precisely because it’s a place they chose themselves, the desire to live up to expectations and not disappoint others takes precedence. Before they know it, they find themselves unable to escape that “quagmire.”

One of the things this “quagmire” produces is “exploitation through a sense of fulfillment.”

A term first proposed around 2007 by Professor Yuki Honda of the University of Tokyo, it refers to workplaces that exploit employees’ passion—using their “I love this” attitude—to make them work long hours for low wages that don’t match the workload. It gained widespread recognition following the 2016 TV drama *Running Away Is Shameful But Useful* and is now commonly used to describe community activities in general.

So why, in communities that are supposed to be based on voluntary participation, does the burden tend to fall disproportionately on certain individuals?

Professor Nihei begins by explaining that there are two types of burden concentration: “positive concentration” and “negative concentration.”

“Positive concentration refers to cases where taking on roles or burdens allows one to enjoy commensurate benefits. It is precisely because organizers receive participation fees that they can devote their time and effort. Participants, too, receive benefits commensurate with what they paid. This is a pattern where both sides gain something in return.”

The problem lies in “negative concentration.” Professor Nihei further divides this into two categories. One involves the exercise of power.

“It’s a situation where people have nowhere else to go—leaving this community would cut off their future path—so they feel they have no choice but to participate. This is precisely the kind of situation that fits the term ‘exploitation through a sense of fulfillment.’”

The other case is even more insidious: situations where people could leave at any time but feel they cannot.

“This is a pattern where people take on the responsibility even though they know they’ll suffer personally, based on the assumption that ‘if I quit, the burden will fall on someone else’ or ‘if this service ends, that person will be in trouble.’ The more empathetic a person is toward others’ suffering, the harder it is for them to choose to quit.”

Settings driven by goodwill and a sense of mission—such as neighborhood associations, community welfare commissioners, volunteer activities, and children’s soup kitchens—are particularly prone to falling into this trap. The kinder a person is, the more likely they are to get drawn in without realizing it, and they find themselves unable to leave even when the costs outweigh the benefits. Professor Nihei points out that this is a problem that cannot be overlooked, even in communities where participation is voluntary.

Why What Was Once a Virtue Has Now Become Exploitation

So why does unpaid labor tend to arise within communities? To understand the background, it’s important to recognize that Japanese society has historically embedded unpaid labor in various aspects of life.

“In the past, it was common for employees at Japanese companies to work at a single company until retirement, and this was considered a virtue. It was within this context that QC circles emerged.”

A QC (Quality Control) circle is a group of volunteers who conduct research aimed at improving the quality of their company’s products. Members would sometimes voluntarily give up their days off to participate. There was a time when these circles attracted attention from overseas business leaders and were cited as one of the symbols of Japanese-style management. This same structure applies to unpaid overtime and serving as officers in neighborhood associations.

“If you assume you’ll stay at the same company for the long term, giving up a day off to attend these activities helps expand your network and makes your work easier down the line—so in the long run, it’s beneficial for you personally.The same applies to community activities. If you intend to settle down in that area for the long haul, participating in activities like the volunteer fire department or children’s clubs will, in the end, benefit you and your family. Even if it was a bit of a hassle, people accepted it precisely because they could see the long-term returns.”

However, in recent years, that premise has crumbled from the ground up. Changing jobs has become the norm, the desire to settle permanently in a community has faded, and attitudes toward unpaid labor within the community have shifted dramatically.

“Especially among the younger generation, staying with the same company for a long time is no longer the norm, is it? Even within local communities, the sense of ‘I’m going to make this my permanent home’ is fading. As expectations of long-term returns have vanished, the things we used to take for granted have given way to a sense of ‘Why do I have to do this for free?’”

What was once considered a virtue now appears to be exploitation. The stifling atmosphere within communities is also an extension of these social changes. And the spread of social media is pushing this dynamic into a new phase.

The “Atmosphere Where You Can’t Say No” Created by Social Media

In online communities centered around social media, the fact that you can’t see the other person’s face makes it difficult to put the brakes on a structure where it’s hard to say no. Furthermore, the unique structure of social media can sometimes further reinforce this “atmosphere where you can’t say no.”

“When you connect with people who share the same interests on social media, your timeline becomes constantly flooded with that topic. This often leads to the ‘echo chamber’ phenomenon—a situation where shared beliefs and preferences are amplified within the group, causing the intensity within the community to rise exponentially.”

The higher the intensity, the greater the psychological barrier to saying no. Furthermore, the online world harbors fears not found in the offline world.

“While it’s easy to connect with others, it’s also relatively easy to be excluded. Moreover, since every word is recorded online, even minor disputes can escalate rapidly, eventually leading to a split within the community.”

“I don’t know what people will say if I leave,” “I might get kicked out of the group.” Such anxieties further solidify a structure that makes it impossible to say no.

The key to preventing exploitation lies in “weak ties.”  

So, how should we approach these communities? The first thing Professor Nihei recommends is belonging to multiple communities.

“Knowing that you can leave at any time if you feel the need is a source of strength.Even if something unpleasant happens in one community, if you consult with members of another community, you’ll get a different perspective—they might say, ‘That’s strange; why don’t you try this?’ If you belong to only one community, what happens there becomes your entire world, so you might feel fear or despair—as if your life were over if you were disliked by the community’s ‘leader.’”

Professor Nihei also notes that, if possible, it’s good to cultivate “connections of different kinds.”

“It’s great to belong to multiple communities, such as fan communities for your favorite idols or business networks, but in reality, former classmates from your student days—or friends you only occasionally keep in touch with—are surprisingly important. I think it’s good to have these kinds of qualitatively different communities as well.”

In sociology, these loose relationships are called “weak ties.”This concept, proposed by American sociologist Mark Granovetter, suggests that loose connections—which involve relatively low levels of intimacy and contact frequency—provide perspectives and information from worlds different from one’s own. While people often assume that the stronger a connection, the better, these “weak ties” are considered extremely important for individuals.

“The more a community runs on goodwill, the harder it becomes to say no; and the more comfortable a place feels, the more you find yourself unable to move when you finally realize it. To avoid getting stuck in that quagmire, make sure to find multiple places where you belong. I believe that’s the first step toward not being crushed by goodwill.”

▼ Norihiro Nihei, Professor at the Graduate School of Information Science and Technology / Graduate School of Education, The University of Tokyo. Ph.D. in Education.His specialty is sociology. His publications include *The Birth and Demise of “Volunteering”* (Sompo Japan Memorial Foundation Award, Japan Sociological Association Encouragement Award), and co-authored works such as *History of the Heisei Era*, *On the 1990s*, *On Civil Society*, and *Reexamining Labor (5): Care, Collaboration, and Unpaid Work*.