Annual Income Claims of 20 Million Yen and No Weekend Availability Detective Warns of Fatal Traits Common Among Dating App Scams Victims

The cause of being deceived is excessively high ideals

Dating apps have become a standard way to meet people, but behind the scenes there has been a sharp increase in problems involving married people pretending to be single and malicious trouble for financial gain. Why do sincere people searching for a marriage partner end up being deceived by such sophisticated traps?

According to Noriko Itabashi, a counselor at RCL Detective Agency, which handles more than 1,000 consultations annually, the cause is often excessively high ideals that do not match one’s own market value, as well as cognitive bias. A professional detective reveals the fatal common traits of people who get deceived and thoroughly explains the five danger signals that should make you suspicious of the other person. Is your boyfriend who can’t meet on weekends really single?

“Dating apps allow you to enter any conditions you like. In real life, the people you meet are usually those in similar environments to your own, and it is very rare to encounter someone from a glamorous world you have never experienced before. However, on dating apps, even dream-like profiles are not questioned by anyone.

For example, even if someone enters that they earn 20 million yen a year, work at a top company, and are 178 cm tall, they will still get matches. When someone like that contacts you, people often mistakenly feel that they are the chosen one.”

This is according to Noriko Itabashi, a counselor at the RCL Detective Agency.

“In matchmaking agencies, counselors are involved, so if someone sets overly ambitious conditions, they may be advised, ‘Let’s think a bit more realistically.’ However, on dating apps, there is no intermediary to provide advice, and interactions happen only between the two individuals, so people often end up believing fairy-tale-like stories.”

When someone who matches the conditions appears and the conversation goes well via messages, it naturally feels pleasant.

“When someone perfectly matches your conditions and the conversation goes well, the brain mistakes them for the ideal person. Humans have something called the consistency principle, where once they believe something, they tend to stick to that belief. Even if they later think, ‘Something seems strange,’ they tend to ignore it and continue. And this tendency becomes especially strong when you have not met in person.”

Itabashi says that people who frequently mention celebrities or boast about owning multiple properties and financial abundance are suspicious.

“If someone you just met says things like ‘I know so-and-so,’ they may end up causing trouble for that person. Normally, people would not say such things. Also, truly wealthy people do not talk to someone they have just met about how many properties they own.”

For men, setting conditions such as young, slim, and cute women can also be a risk, she says.

“People who set high conditions without understanding their own market value should be careful.”

Gender ratio is now half-and-half. There are over 100 dating apps. “Previously, dating apps were seen as tools for men to find women, but now users are equally split between men and women. There are more than 100 apps available, and it is common for people to register on multiple apps depending on their purpose,” (RCL Co., Ltd. survey).

Beware! A partner who can’t meet on weekends

However, not everyone who gets deceived is overly demanding. In fact, the overwhelming majority of people who register are genuinely serious about finding a marriage partner. Can even such people be deceived?

“Of course. Anyone can become a victim.”

What kind of damage can occur?

In the case of men, they may get involved with women who are engaged in compensated dating (“papa-katsu”), and partners who praise excessively or make frequent requests should be treated with caution, she says.

It is also suggested that being single in your 30s or 40s should at least be questioned once.

But isn’t it also possible that people who had no encounters until their 30s or 40s register on dating apps?

“As people get older, their seriousness increases. In their 40s and above, they tend to think, ‘There’s nothing else left,’ or ‘If I lose this person, there is no one else,’ and it becomes difficult to doubt the other person.”

However, according to Ms. Itabashi:
1 — Cannot meet on weekends
2 — Does not know their address
3 — Does not tell you their workplace
4 — Even though they say “Let’s get married,” they do not introduce you to their parents
5 — Dates are always at their own home; they avoid going out and spending money, and do not invite you to their place

In such cases, she says, you should be suspicious.

“On dating apps, multiple people who match your conditions are introduced. Even if they say ‘I like you’ or ‘Let’s get married,’ there are also people who are simultaneously dating others.”

In some cases, even though the relationship is supposed to be marriage-oriented, they only know the nearest station to the person’s home, and when asked about their workplace, they brush it off with things like, “Let’s not talk about work by the way, about our next trip.” In such cases, there is a strong possibility that the person is either married or dating multiple people.

“There were also cases where they were asked for favors every time they met, and, thinking something was strange, they came to our office for consultation, and when we investigated, we found that she had a main boyfriend.”

Do not confront the liar directly

When you want to believe them, but feel that something is off, there is one thing you must absolutely not do:

“Do not ask the person directly. Someone who is lying in the first place is not going to tell the truth. They will only pile on more lies.”

Should you consult friends?

“That is not really recommended. Even if you talk to various people, they will only speak based on their own experience. Moreover, if you are caught up in the consistency bias, you will not listen to your friends’ advice anyway.”

So what should you do?

“If you feel something is wrong, write down what was said at that time. Even if there are small doubts, if you continue forward, those doubts tend to be forgotten. When that feeling of unease builds up, I recommend consulting a professional.”

Many investigation companies offer free consultations. At Ms. Itabashi’s company, they first ask what kind of person you are involved with, and if they determine that an investigation is justified and necessary, they recommend proceeding.

“Recently, many people come to us after consulting AI first.”

It is difficult to doubt someone you believe to be a prince or princess, but feeling uneasy is proof that something is off. Ms. Itabashi encourages people to have the courage to consult professionals.

“In dating apps, multiple people matching your conditions are introduced, so don’t commit to just one person. It may also be good to meet several people. And if you are seriously looking for a marriage partner, you should state clearly: ‘Please disclose your identity properly and invite me to your home. If you cannot do that, I cannot continue this relationship.’”

▼ Noriko Itabashi — Deputy Head of the Consultation Department at RCL Co., Ltd. Certified counselor of the NPO Japan Family Problem Consultation Federation, industrial counselor. Previously worked as an English conversation instructor, airport staff, and mental clinic counselor before joining RCL. Handles over 1,000 consultations per year.