The final installment of “What I realized in a foreign country” by Miyu Iketani, a former TV TOKYO announcer.

In fact, I had written my own novel for a time when I was in elementary school. I only vaguely remember that it had something to do with environmental issues on the earth, but when I was asked to write this column, I suddenly remembered that and felt that I was able to fulfill one of my longings to have a “writing job” and that life is really something you never know.

I often find myself thinking about things on my own, but as I verbalized my thoughts in each column, I was able to visualize what I was thinking, and writing became a way for me to “organize my feelings.

I was very happy that the editor in charge of my column, who made my incoherent sentences concise and easy to understand, thought with me not only about my writing but also about my heart. Thankfully, the response was more than I could have imagined, and I even received a call from a colleague from my former workplace. While everyone has their own way of working and way of thinking, it was a great relief to know that there were people who contacted me after reading a column I wrote after leaving the company.

Days of Facing Academics and Life

It has been almost six months since I studied abroad.

As for my language skills, I have yet to be able to do anything groundbreaking, and I am still continuing my own studies in addition to my daily academic work, gradually building up the building blocks, believing that one day my efforts will bear fruit. If I don’t do too well, I suddenly feel the urge to destroy everything and run away somewhere else, but I remind myself that I have worked so hard to get this far, and I go back to my desk every day. But if you really get sick of it, it would be a waste to throw away all your textbooks one day ……, so you might as well sell them at a used bookstore, kick out the stacks too, and run somewhere else.

One of the great fruits of this study abroad experience for me was that I had time to slow down and think about my view of life, about my dreams and goals, about what makes me happy, what gives me joy.

I have spent the past six months hoping to find the answer to this question, but to tell the truth, I have yet to find the answer that I can clearly say, “This is it! I have not yet found the answer to that question, but now I know that it is okay. But now I feel that it is okay. If it had been me until now, I would have been in a hurry, thinking that I had to set a direction and start moving toward a new goal by the end of my stay in Japan, but one day, I told my family, “I’m going to achieve the goals I set for myself one by one,

One day, I told my family, “I think it’s great that you are achieving the goals you set for yourself one by one, but I think you are suffering because you are bound by the plans and goals you set for yourself. It’s okay to enjoy more freedom.”

When I was told that, I thought that might be true. I sometimes felt guilty that I was somehow being allowed to have it easy while everyone around me was working hard at work and raising their children. (What I want to say here is not to brag about how hard I am working. I don’t know how to express this (……).

There is no word for “working person” in Chinese.

Looking back, I have never been told by anyone that I had to pass a public high school, or that I had to work immediately after graduating from college, or that I had to keep a job for at least three years – although I have never been told to do so by anyone, I felt as if I had been toggling back and forth between the borderline of normal and unusual, wishing to be free from what I thought was somehow “normal,” but holding on to the fear of straying from that boundary.

The goals I set for myself were like the most powerful curse for me, and there was a part of me that could not forgive myself for not trying to finish what I had said I wanted to do. However, during the past six months–now that I have had some time to think it over–I have wondered, “Are these “goals I set for myself” really goals that I set for myself?” I began to think, “Are some of the goals I set for myself motivated by such things as getting praise or recognition for doing this or that?” I began to think, “Is this something I set for myself?

What is “freedom”?

While I was in China, I often wondered what it meant to enjoy freedom. When I was an announcer, I thought it was important to be recognized by those around me, to be famous, to be liked by as many people as possible, and I actually felt very happy when I had more followers on SNS or when my name was in some ranking. However, I gradually came to realize that being happy for me is not the same as being obsessed with it.

The task of finding out what was important to me was surprisingly difficult for me. But after coming to China, I was a “foreign student” and felt liberated from my previous title as a “working person. I felt a part of me was forgiven for not being able to perfectly follow Chinese manners, and I also felt an air of not having to rush and forcefully adapt to the Chinese “normal.

And I learned for the first time in class that there is no proper noun in Chinese that fits the word “working adult” perfectly. In Japan, there is a clear difference between “student” and “working adult. However, in China, due to the difficulty of finding a job, there are many people who are in the middle of their transition from student to working adult, as if they are “between student and working adult. I can say that I am also in the process of re-entering the workforce, so I feel that there are many people in similar situations, and it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one who is struggling and lost.

An “important word” I remembered during my study abroad.

Basically, I wanted things to be black and white, and I enjoy the gray. I feel that one of the things that allows me to be free is not to hate being in the middle of something or being in the middle of something, but to acknowledge and slowly face my feelings and myself that I am in the middle of something. Not always running on the rails to get somewhere, but getting off at some station, having a cup of tea, and enjoying the time before changing to the next train.

This April, there are many of you who have entered the workforce. When I was a newcomer, I was often asked, “What kind of announcer do you aspire to be?” I was often asked. I was able to answer this question quickly because I had a senior whom I admired, but when asked, “Who do you want to be like?” I always did not know how to answer. Once during a training session, I honestly asked the question, “I don’t want to be like anyone else, I just want to be like myself.

I don’t want to be like anyone else. I just want to do the best I can as I am.

I answered, “I don’t want to be like anyone else, I just want to be myself and do the best I can.” The senior staff member in charge of training told me, “That’s fine” – that happened several times during my time as an announcer. However, I feel that I often forgot such important words for myself in the midst of my daily busyness and the curses I put on myself.

I don’t think I can say anything as a senior member of society, but if there are people who are struggling to find their goals or what they want to do, and thankfully you are reading this column, I thought that there are people who quit their jobs and even went to graduate school overseas, but have no idea what they want to do, I would like to tell them that one way to think of it is that if you don’t have any goals, it means that you can start anew, and you shouldn’t be in a hurry.

Now, I have written about my thoughts at length, but this is the end of this column. When I was first asked to write this column, I was happy, but I wondered if anyone would read it. This was a great encouragement for my life as an exchange student.

My column is not a statement on behalf of women, announcers, Japanese, international students, or anything else, but I have honestly and carefully written what I felt and thought. It is natural that there are people who think differently, and I do not think arrogantly that their thoughts are wrong if they are not with mine. However, I would be very happy if my columns have added something to the topics on which opinions are easily divided, such as working styles and cultural differences between Japan and China.

And somewhere again, I would like to report the conclusion of my concerns and the results of my study abroad experience to those who have supported me.

The paid version of “FRIDAY GOLD” is now publishing the first nine installments of “Female Graduate Student Miyu Iketani’s ‘Unusual Study Abroad'”. Please check it out as well.