Wife-Only ED: Common Traits of Serious and Gentle Partners and a Specialist Doctor’s Recommended Solution
Why do I get a wimpy erection in front of my wife. “Why do I get an erection in porn?”
“Although I don’t dislike my wife, when I try to have sex, I can’t get an erection properly. There has been an increase in consultations for wife-only ED.”
Says Dr. Takaki Miyaji, the director of the East Station Front Clinic Akihabara, which provides ED treatment.
Even though I get morning erections and become erect when watching adult videos, for some reason, I become flaccid in front of my wife. That is the typical symptom of wife-only ED.
“Some men lose confidence after being disappointed by their wives and come in for consultations. I’ve heard that the mood at home becomes tense after sex is interrupted, and the atmosphere becomes dark the following day. ‘Wife-only ED’ can cause friction in the relationship and sometimes lead to arguments.”
ED refers not only to a complete inability to get an erection, but also to situations where the erection is insufficient—such as when it isn’t hard enough, it softens too quickly, or it lacks endurance (premature loss of erection)—resulting in unsatisfactory sexual intercourse. In the treatment field, a self-check method is used to represent the hardness of an erection with fruit and konnyaku (a type of Japanese yam).
“The softest is konnyaku, followed by a mandarin orange, then grapefruit, and the hardest is represented by an apple.
In this case, the hardness of the apple is not a concern, but konnyaku, mandarin oranges, and grapefruit all indicate the possibility of ED. If you’re worried, try checking how hard your erection is.”
When these vessels expand, a large amount of blood flows in. The corpora cavernosa, like a sponge, absorbs the blood and expands, becoming hard. This is the mechanism of an erection. ED occurs when a disruption happens at some point in this process due to various causes.
“There are three types of ED: ‘organic ED,’ caused by vascular problems due to aging or illness; ‘psychogenic ED,’ caused by mental stress; and ‘drug-induced ED,’ caused by medication side effects. Among these, wife-only ED falls under ‘psychogenic ED.’ When a person feels nervous or stressed, the transmission of signals from the brain becomes impaired, leading to insufficient erections even when attempting to have sex.”
The common denominator is a serious and gentle personality.
A common cause of wife-only ED is the pressure associated with trying to conceive. Although the man may want a child, the tension of needing to have sex at the right time to increase the chances of pregnancy can cause things to not go as usual. Many men visit the clinic with the troubling feeling of wanting to cooperate with the fertility efforts, but finding it difficult to perform as expected.
“The mechanism of male erection is surprisingly delicate. Even young men who have had consistent erections in the past can develop ED after feeling pressure, such as with trying to conceive, or when they can’t perform the way they usually do. In some cases, a single failure can lead to ED.
Other cases include men who, after their wife gives birth, find that they can no longer perform as before when they try to have sex again, or men whose sexual life has become monotonous after many years of marriage and no longer experience erections even when they try to connect with their wives. When sexual excitement doesn’t rise sufficiently, ED becomes more likely.”
A common trait among those who are more prone to wife-only ED is that they are serious and kind-hearted. “Men who don’t want to disappoint their wives or feel they have to try hard for their wives are more likely to be shocked by their ED and tend to bear the stress alone. The more they think about it, the more it becomes a pressure, which exacerbates the ED.”
Take one pill once before sex. “The cure” revives your sex life with your wife.
What should you do if you develop wife-only ED? Although it may seem like a high hurdle for men, Dr. Takaki Miyaji recommends that the best approach is to confess to your wife that you may be experiencing a decrease in erectile function.
“ED is something men don’t want to admit to themselves, let alone say to their wives. But if you don’t address it, the next sexual encounter may end in the same result. If you want to satisfy your wife sexually, I recommend being honest with her about your current situation.”
At Dr. Miyaji’s clinic, there are couples who come in together. Being open about the cause of ED and gaining the wife’s cooperation tends to lead to quicker and smoother improvements.
Improving wife-only ED hinges on increasing sexual stimulation. For example, going out dressed up together or trying a love hotel can create excitement, which enhances arousal towards your wife. To achieve this, it’s important not to bottle things up alone but to talk to your wife as the first step towards improvement.
That said, some men may still find it difficult to talk to their wives about this issue. In such cases, relying on ED treatment medications is an option.
“ED medications are taken as a single pill before sex. People often ask if taking the medication increases sexual desire and keeps the erection going, but that’s not the case. The medication helps stimulate blood flow to the penis when sexual stimulation occurs, supporting the strength of the erection.”
Currently, the three ED medications approved by Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare are Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, all of which are available on a self-pay basis.
“Famous ED medication Viagra works for about four hours and is sensitive to food, so it’s recommended to take it on an empty stomach. Cialis has a long-lasting effect of up to 36 hours, making it popular for weekend use, supporting erectile function from Friday night to Sunday morning. Levitra increases erection strength the most, so it’s favored by those wanting a firmer erection.
Many men start by trying two or three types of ED medication, and by the second try, most have narrowed it down to one they prefer. Once you find the medication that works well with your meals and sexual timing, you’ll regain confidence in your sexual life to the point where you’ll forget you ever had ED.”
These ED medications are approved by the government, so they are not habit-forming, and their effectiveness doesn’t diminish with continued use. Additionally, exercises like strength training to boost testosterone and aerobic exercise to improve blood circulation in the lower body are effective self-care methods for ED improvement.
ED concerns not only the man but also his wife, who may be worried or troubled by the situation. If wife-only ED becomes severe, it can lead to sexual dysfunction and make it difficult to revive a healthy marital life. It’s important to address the issue early to prevent this from happening.
▼ Takaki Miyaji (Miyaji Takaki) – Director of the male-specialized “East Station Front Clinic” Akihabara Branch. He supports men’s concerns through three specialized outpatient services: ED, AGA (androgenetic alopecia), and medical dieting.
Interview and text： Yoko Kemmochi
Born in Yamagata Prefecture in 1983, Yoko Nemmochi worked for 10 years in the editorial department of a health information magazine, editing monthly magazines and web media before becoming a freelance writer. Currently, she interviews, plans, and writes about doctors and specialists, focusing on health care and medical fields.