Exploring High School Relationships and the Meaning Behind Sofure and Birifure

In recent years, an increasing number of young people are completing their romantic relationships online. They handle everything from meeting and confessing to dating through online platforms. However, according to teachers who interact with these students daily, there is a world that is quite difficult to understand.

We will continue to explore the online dating situation among young people, following the previous report titled “Online Dating Gains Popularity Among High School Students to Avoid Complications” from the recent book Report: Smartphone Parenting Destroys Children (Shinchosha), which focuses on the current environment and difficulties faced by children.

Part I: Online Dating Gains Popularity Among High School Students to Avoid Complications

According to a survey conducted by Gibraltar Life Insurance in 2022, 52.2% of high school students reported having had a romantic partner before. However, teachers suggest that the actual percentage might be slightly lower depending on the school.

Among today’s high school students, many start their relationships by liking someone on SNS, following them, sending direct messages, and exchanging messages online.

Yet, online interactions tend to be lacking in nuance. Misunderstandings are common. As a result, there has been a sharp increase in situations where one person believes they are in a relationship, while the other does not share that intention.

 

“Exchanging IDs” Equals Being in a Relationship

A teacher interviewed for this book explains:

“What feels odd about online romance is that the concept of ‘dating’ has changed. In the past, dating began only after one person confessed their feelings and the other accepted them. However, among today’s students, there are a number who perceive themselves as being in a relationship simply because they’ve exchanged LINE IDs or talked via video calls with someone they met on SNS.

This is particularly noticeable among students who have weaker communication skills. It seems that SNS allows for a lot of ambiguity. It would be ideal if this were just a misunderstanding, but it’s not uncommon for such situations to lead to one-sided grudges and resulting conflicts.”

In SNS interactions, the limited amount of information often leads to advancing relationships with certain details remaining vague.

If one person believes they are in a relationship while the other does not, it’s clear that conflicts are likely to arise. This misunderstanding can lead to issues such as stalking-like behavior or escalating jealousy and verbal abuse.

Additionally, there is a tendency to categorize relationships into more detailed classifications, even when dating.

These insights come from a female teacher in her 40s.

“In the past, a couple was considered to be in a relationship if they were mutually in love and progressed through relationship stages together. However, that notion has changed in some parts today. In my class, there were a boy and a girl who walked to and from school together every day and held hands. They even made and shared lunch together. One day, I commented, ‘You two are such a close couple.’

To my surprise, they changed their expressions and replied, ‘We’re not actually dating. We just sometimes hold hands and share lunch.’ When I asked why, given how close they were, they responded, ‘We’re not ready for a deeper relationship yet.’”

Currently, many young people have relationships that are more than friendships but not quite romantic. According to teachers, some representative examples of these nuanced relationships include:

・Sofure: Someone who provides comfort by sleeping next to you when you’re feeling lonely.

・Hafure: Someone with whom you exchange hugs.

・Birifure: A friend who comforts you during a heartbreak (short for “rehabilitation friend”).

・Kamofure: Someone with whom you go on dates but who is not considered a romantic partner (short for “camouflage friend”).

Such distinctions were likely non-existent in previous generations, but today, people categorize their relationships with the opposite sex into specific types and clearly define boundaries. Once a relationship is categorized, they rarely cross those boundaries or change the nature of the relationship.

Why is this the case? The teacher explains:

“Perhaps a strong sense of compliance has become ingrained among the kids. If you hold hands or hug someone without being in a relationship, it could be considered harassment. But if they categorize their relationship as something like a ‘×× friend,’ as long as they don’t cross that boundary, they won’t be reprimanded. So, they might be protecting themselves by declaring the nature of their relationship in advance.”

This approach also applies to friendships. For example, terms like “yo friend” (a friend you greet casually), “net friend” (a friend only online), and “food friend” (a friend with whom you only eat) help define the relationship precisely and prevent any further encroachment.

Drawing boundaries between friends and romantic partners is becoming more common.

Another change in the dating landscape that teachers have observed is the presence of “2D lovers.”

 

Anime Characters as “Lovers”

When talking with students, I was told that someone had “gotten a lover,” so I asked more about it and found that it was often an anime character or some other 2D existence. Some even refer to voice actors, whose faces they don’t know, as “lovers.”

A female teacher in her 30s working at a high school says.

“I initially thought it was a joke, but when I asked further, I found that some students genuinely believe their ‘lovers’ are anime characters. Among high school students, ‘oshi activities’ are no longer unusual. Most kids see their ‘oshi’ as just that and try to find a real-life partner as well. However, a growing number of students are having trouble distinguishing between romantic feelings for a 2D character and those for a real person. These students confidently refer to their ‘oshi’ as their ‘lover.'”

Such students often buy expensive gifts for the ‘birthday’ of anime characters. They use money earned from part-time jobs to purchase branded items and send them as birthday presents to the anime production companies.

The presents are supposed to be received by employees at the production company. So, what happens to the gifts afterward?

Why are such irrational behaviors occurring? The teacher provides the following analysis.

“Engaging in a simulated ‘relationship’ with anime characters allows people to skip over the cumbersome aspects of communication and enjoy ‘romance’ more easily. To put it bluntly, they likely want to avoid the pain of dealing with real-life romantic relationships. Real romance involves many hassles, such as being rejected after confessing or clashing over differing opinions. However, with anime characters, those issues don’t exist. Therefore, it feels safer.”

The book elaborates on the changing perspectives among young people regarding friends and lovers, so please refer to it for more details.

It is crucial to consider that issues are arising from one-sided assumptions about people met online, as well as the increasing trend of blending affection for a favorite character with romantic feelings, leading to high-priced gifts or donations to anime production companies. Some individuals are even accruing substantial debt on credit cards to afford these purchases.

If the shift to online communication tools is causing these problems, society needs to pay attention and work to minimize the harm.