Freelance Announcer Aika Kanda Struggles with Making Friends as an Adult

How many people have you been able to call “friends” in the true sense of the word since you became a member of society?　By the way, I have only one in 21 years. The definition of a friend differs from person to person, but in my case, it is someone with whom I can talk about anything. I can tell my parents and my husband even the secrets I don’t want to tell them, trusting that they will take them to their graves. So I don’t consider them friends just because I keep in touch with them on a regular basis and have dinner with them a few times.

Sometimes I hate myself for how I became such a prudish and petty person, and I look at people who can call each other “friends” just by exchanging lines (light people ……) and feel disgusted, but at the same time I envy them because they seem to be having so much fun. I really wanted to be like that too. But I couldn’t because I didn’t want to get …… hurt anymore.

I was a student when I could say what I really felt regardless of interest. I still have a strong connection with my friends from those days, with whom I could understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses. That is why, even after joining NHK, I still feel that I have a special colleague whom I would like to be friends with beyond work. ), I would tell all my complaints and work problems to my special colleagues. Then they began to talk to me about many things, and we even had tea together and bought matching clothes. When I didn’t doubt that they were friends, I found out that the colleague’s married partner was having an affair. 4 or 5 other colleagues heard about it from him, but I heard it as a “rumor. I was shocked because I thought we were friends who relied on each other in hard times, and I came to believe that people are capable of putting on a different face than what they really are.

And then it was time to leave NHK: no matter what the circumstances are, those who leave NHK tend to be thought of as “traitors who take the announcing skills they have cultivated with their subscription fees outside the station. In fact, I was told this by a senior colleague. And during the two months between when I publicly announced my resignation and when I left the station, very few people spoke to me as a traitor in front of my bosses. Surprisingly, the people who spoke to me until the end were seniors whom I rarely had a chance to talk to. They said things like, “Good luck!” or “I respected your way of working,” and some of them encouraged me by saying, “I feel ashamed of NHK for not being able to accept a talent like you.

On the contrary, colleagues with whom I had frequent contact did not even try to keep me in their sights. (The boss’s eyes were more important than my personal relationship with him. ……) When I was feeling unwilling, one of them sneaked up to talk to me. I was so happy that I followed his lead and went to an out-of-the-way place. Then he simply said, “Producer XX said you have no job even if you quit Kanda. I was so surprised that I could only reply, “Well, I’ll do my best at …….

I’m sick of relationships that are only superficial.

I thought we were friends who had shared hardships and joys. Why did he bother to tell me something depressing? From this moment on, I felt that the good time I had with that colleague was a trivial time, and I strongly thought, “I will not waste any more time of my life! I strongly felt that I would not waste any more time in my life.

Then I went freelance (a chance to change!). I was excited. I made an effort to go out to dinner with a TV personality I wanted to talk to. But to my surprise, when we were alone together, I was completely changed from the image I had before. There were more people talking bad about others than I had expected. Some of them smiled and said, “We are friends and sometimes play together,” when they were talking about the person who had bad-mouthed them so much when we were alone. I was tired of seeing such different definitions of friends ……. Making friends is supposed to be positive and fun, so why do I have to feel sad all over again? (I hate it!!!) And now.

All of these events are from my point of view, and from the other person’s point of view, they may have been caused by me. I can be objective in my head, but the hurt that is deeply engraved in my heart still prevails.

At this rate, how many more friends will I have in the rest of my life? Based on the average life expectancy, I will be single for 13 years after my husband, who is eight years older than me, passes away. Since I have no children, the only people I can count on are my friends. Then it is better to have as many as possible. Should I make friends for my old age, knowing that I will get hurt again?　Should I prioritize my mental health now over my old age?　I wish I could give my mother, who is a good friend of mine, a medicine for immortality. I would like to introduce the only precious friend I have made to you someday.

His first book, “Where is the Royal Road? is now on sale!

Aika Kanda was born in 1980 in Kanagawa Prefecture. After graduating from Gakushuin University with a degree in mathematics, she joined NHK as an announcer in 2003, and left in 2012 to become a freelance announcer. Since then, she has been active mainly in variety shows, and currently makes regular appearances as the main MC of the daytime TV program “Poka Poka” (Fuji Television Network).

From the August 9, 2024 issue of FRIDAY