7 Couples Formed at Tokyo’s Korean-Japanese Matchmaking Party

I received a message from an acquaintance living in Daegu, Southeast Korea, saying, “There’s going to be a ‘Japan-Korea’ matchmaking party in Tokyo, so why not come and cover it?”

I knew that such events had been held several times in Korea and Osaka before, but this is the first time in Tokyo. In Korea, like in Japan, aging society and declining birth rates have become social issues, and even local governments have started supporting marriage activities. Moreover, it is said that these men are coming all the way from Korea because they are seriously considering marriage with Japanese women. I thought it was a rare opportunity to witness a cross-national matchmaking scene, so I rushed to cover it. What emerged was the mindset of men and women from Japan and Korea. 

Standing and Applauding Korean Men Introducing Themselves in Japanese

At the end of June, in Ueno, Tokyo. Before dusk at the party venue, 14 men in suits were seated around round tables with nervous expressions. Some were wearing bow ties. All had come from Korea seeking to meet Japanese women. The male host from the Korean side used light-hearted talk to ease the tension. The pre-event materials listed that the participants were in their 30s to 40s, including pharmacists, employees of major corporations, civil servants, and entrepreneurs, with an average height of 175 cm and an annual income of 50 million won (approximately 5.7 million yen).

Finally, the women make their entrance. As the door opens, the men all stand up and applaud to welcome them. “Welcome! We are glad to have you,” a Korean announcement echoes through the venue as the women take their seats among the men. Many on both sides do not speak each other’s language, so interpreters step in. The first part of the evening consisted of ice-breaking games designed to ease the atmosphere and relieve tension. A game involving passing a ping pong ball through coordinated plays surprisingly energized the room and brought smiles to many faces. The mood seemed to be quite positive.

During the men’s self-introduction segment, the screen displayed phrases like “I run an animal hospital” and “I prefer spending time with family over drinking or dining out.” Some men proudly showcased their Japanese language skills, and there was a handsome man whom the host referred to as the ‘ace.’ Women were seen taking diligent notes and listening attentively. Most of the men were from regional cities and generally gave an impression of being polite and sincere.

One of them, a 43-year-old self-employed man from Daegu, said in fluent Japanese, “I have liked Japanese manga and anime for a long time, so I studied Japanese by watching manga.” He particularly likes Dragon Ball. “This is my first time at a large-scale matchmaking event. I wanted to participate at least once.” When asked about the appeal of Japanese women, he responded, “Femininity. Korean women are a bit strict. I came to Tokyo seeking to meet Japanese women,” he said with enthusiasm.

Japan-Korea relations have had their ups and downs, but this man says, “That has nothing to do with it; it’s just news. Ordinary Koreans like Japanese people. Korean men have a good impression of Japanese women. Many people, including myself, dream of marrying a Japanese woman after watching videos posted by Japanese-Korean couples.” It seems that Japanese women are strongly perceived as being good at ‘housework, cooking, and childcare’ and having a feminine image.

Another man (39) who came from Hwaseong, Northwest Korea, also shared his thoughts:

 

“I find that Japanese women’s personalities and atmosphere suit me better than Korean women’s. Since participating for the first time in Daegu, I’ve become interested in Japan-Korea marriages and have been participating ever since.”

This is his fourth time participating.

“This time, I heard that women who are seriously considering marriage will come through a marriage information company, so I am looking forward to it. Japanese women are considerate of men. In Korea, it is often the case that almost all conditions need to be met to get married—money, appearance, height, and the husband’s parents. That’s why I was hesitant about marriage, but I felt through dating Japanese women that if you make an impact in just one of the conditions, it’s positively received.”

On the other hand, a 35-year-old Japanese company employee participating for the first time said, “I was anxious because I can’t speak Korean, but the interpreter supported me, and it turned out to be a fun time. I had an interest in Korea because I often watch K-POP and Korean dramas, but I hadn’t had the chance to meet any men. When I was invited, I decided to participate.” Even with the language barrier, she stated, “I also want to learn, and if both sides have the desire to learn, I think communication can be achieved. (Regarding Japan-Korea relations) I’m not concerned at all. I really like it,” she said clearly.

During the party, the men regularly circulated the tables, continuing conversations about hobbies and places of origin while sharing meals. “I’m into scuba diving.” “I can’t swim.” “I couldn’t swim before I started either.” Such friendly conversations continued, and the evening concluded with the first round of preference surveys.

Both men and women filled out and submitted their preferences up to the second choice. On the second day, they traveled by bus to Yokohama, deepening their interactions through programs like ramen noodle-making and traditional Japanese drumming performances. In the end, seven couples were formed from the 14 participants of each gender, and Japan-Korea romances began.

Lee Ho-Sang (51), the representative of PANADA who hosted the party, says:

“Recently, there are matching apps, but I feel they lack seriousness compared to face-to-face meetings. Meeting casually can also lead to problems. Rather, there are more people who think that the old-fashioned method (face-to-face) is better, and from my perspective, the possibility of business expansion is very high.

However, while it is important for my business to expand, what I truly wish for is for the lives of the men and women who participate to improve. I feel a sense of fulfillment only if everyone succeeds. As a result, I hope that Japan-Korea relations will also improve.”

Japan-Korea relations have fluctuated between deterioration and improvement due to historical issues, but Mr. Lee’s father considered Japan a role model for economic development, and Mr. Lee himself has a positive view of Japan.

I also spoke with Kana Nakamura from PANADA, who was busy preparing on the Japanese side.

“In one-on-one matchmaking, it tends to become formal, but with an event, it’s like a festival, making it easier to participate and lowering the barriers for inviting women. I think it’s also easier for men to participate casually. Not everyone will match, but Korean men rarely have the opportunity to talk to so many Japanese women at once, and the same goes for the women. If everyone gets used to this kind of setting, it could serve as a starting point leading to serious one-on-one matchmaking.”

In March of this year, when the Korean Statistical Office announced the ‘2023 Marriage and Divorce Statistics,’ it drew attention from Korean media by reporting that the number of marriages between Korean men and Japanese women had surged. The number of marriages between Korean men and Japanese women last year was 840, which is about a 40% increase compared to the previous year. Although there were years in the past where the number exceeded 1300, it had been decreasing for four consecutive years since 2018, and this recent increase is a notable change. While it is a single digit lower than the top ranks of Vietnamese women (4923 cases), Chinese women (2668 cases), and Thai women (2017 cases), it still ranks fourth.

According to Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare’s 2021 statistics, in cases of ‘Japanese wife and foreign husband,’ the most common nationality for the husband was ‘Korean/Chosun.’ This includes cases of Korean residents in Japan, but it is still nearly double that of Chinese.

A common explanation for this is the popularity of YouTube videos showing happy daily lives of Japan-Korea couples. The channel ‘TomoTomo,’ featuring young couples with Japanese men and Korean women, has 1.05 million subscribers. The channel ‘Cookie Couple’ with Japan-Korea couples has 360,000 subscribers, and popular content includes meetings between parents and ‘proposal operations.’ This may be reducing the psychological barriers for Japanese and Korean individuals who previously thought international relationships and marriages were too challenging.

When it comes to Japan-Korea couples, there is an unforgettable woman for me. Keiko Yokoyama (88), who married a Korean man she met through correspondence in 1964, before Japan and Korea normalized diplomatic relations, and moved to Korea. She has taught ikebana to Korean citizens for over half a century. At the time of marriage, there was a strong ‘unconscious prejudice’ against Korea, but she was moved by the passion of her young scientist husband and decided to marry him. Her parents opposed the marriage and did not attend the wedding. She only knew a few Korean words like ‘Onma (mother)’ and ‘Aboji (father)’ and struggled. Despite moving alone to Korea, a country with stronger anti-Japanese sentiment than now, she integrated into the local community and was loved by the locals. Yokoyama had deep affection for her husband and, after his passing, published a book that included memories of her husband and essays from his writings.

Turning to the present, some Japanese women have a positive image of Korean men, thinking they are kind, frequently in touch, and even tie their shoelaces. “Korean men have a strong sense of protecting women, possibly because they go to the military due to conscription. They will naturally carry your bags and generally pay for dates,” is a common sentiment. On the other hand, a Japanese woman in her 50s who married a Korean man and lives in Korea reflects that her husband also has strong feelings towards his family. “There were often situations where it felt like, which is more important, me or your mother?”

“For example, a pearl necklace I brought from Japan. Even though I wanted to keep it safe and not wear it, he once gave it away to his mother without asking, saying I didn’t wear it much. I was furious and took it back. Now it’s a funny story, but at the time, it was a serious issue.”

According to this woman, when the children started learning history in elementary school, there were times when they were bullied as Japanese who did terrible things in the past.

‘I thought that if they had experiences of being loved in Japan, they would develop a strong identity, thinking “The Japan I know isn’t like that.” So, I sent them to a Japanese elementary school for a short-term study abroad, and they overcame the crisis through friendships with kind Japanese friends.’

There are also other women who have had bitter experiences dating Korean men. A Japanese woman in her 40s reflected on her experience.

“At first, he was passionate and valued anniversaries. He treated me well because he wanted to be liked, but Japanese women are not as strict as Korean women, so he seemed to get used to it and stopped valuing anniversaries. At first, he called me, but eventually, I started making the calls. It felt like the saying “You don’t feed the fish you’ve caught.” Also, even if the man himself was good, I was concerned about whether his parents had any issues with anti-Japanese sentiments.”

Japan-Korea relationships are not always rosy. In the end, it seems crucial to assess the sincerity and seriousness of the partner, whether they are Japanese or Korean.