The Shocking Reason Why a Government Employee in His 40s with a National University Degree Broke Up Three Times During His Marriage Activities

[Joon] Due to the unstable social situation in recent years, “high-spec men,” men with high income and education, such as national university graduates, landowners, and those who work for foreign-affiliated companies, are very popular in the marriage activity market.

For example, the man who married TV Asahi’s Ayaka Hironaka, 31, on September 30 was the president of a company that provides English learning services.

Former Fuji TV announcer Ayako Kato, 37, who left the program in September, married a “normal man” last year. Her partner is the owner of a company with annual sales of 200 billion yen that operates about 60 supermarkets.

Although both are “ordinary men,” they are not mere “ordinary people,” but high-spec men. Many of you may have thought, “Of course they are.

However, just because someone is high-spec doesn’t mean that everyone can get married. When I run a marriage agency, there are a certain number of men who cannot get married even with high specs, and I often hear such stories outside of the agency as well.

Ms. Reariko Murakami, who runs a marriage agency and is a super matchmaker with the top three marriage rates in Japan (the only one in East Japan), explains the characteristics of men with high specs who cannot get married.

Why did a public servant in his 40s who graduated from a national university “break up” three times during his marriage activity?

Mr. A, a man in his 40s, is a graduate of a national university in the Kanto region and an elite civil servant living in central Tokyo with an annual income of 8 million yen. He came to the marriage counselor’s door because he could not meet anyone at his workplace.

He is soft-spoken and gentle, and has never been in a fight. He enjoys muscle training and has a well-defined face.

The blind date went well. High-spec men are more popular the more unstable society is. If you are matched with a man, you can have a relationship with him.

In Mr. A’s case, however, the relationship was a long one.

Many dating agencies have a rule that a couple decides whether or not to marry after three months of dating or six months at the most, but Mr. A has not shown any sign of proposing to his wife even after six months.

On the first and second occasions, the woman contacted us to tell us that the relationship was over. The third time, the woman got fed up and proposed to him…he didn’t say “yes”.

Why didn’t you accept?” I asked Mr. A. He replied, “I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do to accept the proposal.

What were the “curse words” that a wealthy man in his 30s had been exposed to?

Mr. B, a man in his 30s, is slender and has strong eyes and nose. His father, who was a wealthy man, passed away and he inherited several hundred million yen in financial assets.

He is the younger of two brothers and has a typical “younger brother” personality, with a bright and sweet side that makes him lovable. He lives with his mother and brother on a large plot of land in a neighboring prefecture of Tokyo.

Mr. B was introduced to a kind and gentle woman by an acquaintance, and they began dating on the premise of marriage. They hit it off and were soon dating with a strong awareness of marriage.

However, this relationship broke up shortly after.

The reason was that what they decided together on a date would change on the next date. A prominent example is their new house. On one date, they said, “Let’s choose a place that is convenient for both of us to commute to work,” but on the next date, they asked, “Can we go to the station closest to my parents’ house? The next date, he asked, “Can we build a new house on my parents’ property?

The wedding venue, the dress, and the next date he started to offer different details, and the woman thought he couldn’t do it anymore…and he broke up with her.

Why did he overturn the decision he made with her?　The cause was his mother.

His mother, in her fifties, was not the type to have a strong life and often depended on her sons.

She would often say to him, “Don’t leave me alone, Mom.
Don’t leave her alone,” she repeatedly told her siblings.

She repeatedly told her siblings, “Don’t leave your mother alone,” and “Take care of her when she gets old.

The changes in Mrs. B’s comments about the new house also reflected her mother’s wishes.

Why don’t you live closer to us?
Why don’t you live here?

He was conveying his mother’s words directly to her.

I have introduced two examples of two men without identifying them personally. Both of you are high-spec men with above average looks and personalities, and financially stable. Even so, there was something that they lacked in order to get married.

What was that?

What they had in common was that they had not decided on their own lives. Perhaps they have been told by their parents or teachers, “You should do this! Whether it was for higher education or for a job, they probably kept being told by their parents or teachers, “You have to do this!

You have not decided your own path, but have followed the path that someone else has decided for you without questioning it. I am sure that many of you must have been thrilled.

Yet, in the past, there was a natural “system” in place that allowed people to get married even if they were passive. For singles of marriageable age, their bosses at work or nosy aunts in the neighborhood would bring up the idea of an arranged marriage.

Today, there is no such “system.

The Privacy Act has made society nervous about privacy, and nosy aunts are no longer in the picture.

The days when you could just stay on the rails and someone would marry you are long gone. Marriage is something you grab yourself, and passive people (especially men) are no longer involved.

They are passive and live their lives by the opinions of others. In order for these types of people, who cannot get married even with high specs, to get married, they need to change into [people who can make their own decisions about their lives].

High-spec men will have many chances to meet people if they are married. If you are someone who can make decisions on your own, it is not difficult to get married.

In marriage activity, not only annual income and educational background, but also all the factors that make up a person, such as personality and way of thinking, will be looked at.

You cannot change specifications such as annual income and educational background, but you can change your personality and way of thinking little by little through your efforts and mindset. Why not start by asking family and friends for advice in order to learn about your own personality and way of thinking?