Mother who got her child accepted to Tokyo and Kyoto Universities warns… “Three words” that crush a child’s talent
[Joon] A small word you say to your child can have a big impact on the rest of his or her life. Not many people are raising their children with this in mind. However, in order to develop children’s talents and abilities and raise them to be lively and active, it is essential to pay attention to even the smallest words.
Kyoko Kawamura, whose eldest son was admitted to the University of Tokyo, her second son to Kyoto University, and her eldest daughter to the University of London, has given advice to over 3,000 mothers who wish to develop their children’s abilities and raise them to be intelligent, says it is especially important to be careful with the words you use with your children.
In this issue, Kyoko Kawamura explains the “3 NG words” that we tend to use in our daily child-rearing and how we should rephrase them.
When I was a child, my parents used to say to me, “You are really no good at this.
You’re really no good at this. ……
Why can’t you do this?”
I grew up being told these words on a daily basis, and before I knew it, I began to think things like this: “Oh, I’m so lazy, I can’t even do this.
“Oh, I’m such a bum, I’m such a bad person.”
Because of this, I was timid and unable to have confidence in myself, and I think I was always looking at my parents’ faces.
As it was, I grew up and got married. After marriage, my timid personality seemed to improve. However, here is the problem: …….
Before I got married, I believed that once I got married, children would come naturally, and once children were born, parenting would come naturally. But when I finally got married, I became afraid of having children.
I only knew the kind of parenting I received from my parents. What if I am raised by such a person and my child grows up to be an unhappy person like me who does not have confidence in himself……”
When I thought of this, I did not have the courage to give birth to a child. What should I do? I was troubled. Then I came to the conclusion, “If you don’t know how to raise a child, you should learn! I came to the conclusion, “If I don’t know how to raise a child, I should learn!
Once I had an idea, I acted on it. I went to the library and read every child-rearing and educational book I could get my hands on. More than 2,000 books! Finally, after five years of marriage, I came to think that I might be able to raise my children now that I had learned the importance of parents’ words through learning.
Since then, I have been blessed with three children (two boys and a girl) and have raised them all. five years of learning have come to life and all three have grown up freely and spontaneously. now that they are adults, I realize the fact that “if parents raise their children with careful attention to language, they will develop their own abilities and grow up to be full of life. It is really important for children what kind of words their parents use.
Three NG words that you should not use in parenting!
Now, I would like to share with you three NG words that you should not use in parenting, which I have learned through my “study” and “actual parenting experience”. The three words are as follows.
3.Why can’t you do it?
Let’s take a look at why each of these words is NG.
In many cases, the mother is saying “no” to the child’s behavior, such as “don’t touch that,” and the child feels as if he/she is being told that he/she is a “bad person.
Therefore, instead of suddenly saying “No! Instead of saying “No!” out of the blue, try to start with a cushioning phrase, such as “Oh my God, if you eat a snack with dirty hands, germs will get into your mouth, so it’s no good. This “Oh dear” is a very good cushion to soften the damage to the child, even during a sermon.
Adults are pressed for time, but children live on a different timeline. Therefore, adults tend to get frustrated and repeatedly tell children to “hurry up, hurry up! in frustration and repeatedly tell children to “hurry up, hurry up! However, when children are told to “hurry up,” they take it as if they are being told that “you are a slow learner.
Nevertheless, if you keep up with the child’s pace, you will be late for kindergarten or school, or the parent will be late for work. In such cases, instead of rushing the child with “words” like “hurry up,” create a “mechanism” for the child to act quickly.
For example, make it a game by saying, “Let’s compete with your mother,” or catch them with a reward by saying, “Let’s have an apple for dessert if you finish breakfast by 8:00 a.m.” (laugh). This way, you can speed up your child’s behavior without making him or her delegate.
3.Why can’t you do it?
This phrase sounds like a question at first glance, but in reality, it is just a word that blames the child. The child will not be able to say anything if he or she is asked this. To prevent this from happening, show the child a solution rather than blaming him or her with a question.
Why can’t you clean up?” If you are tempted to say, “Why can’t you clean up your dolls? Your child will be happy if you say, “Let’s put the doll away together with your mother. If you clean up the dolls together, it will be a good time for communication.
What do you think? After reading the three NG words, many of you may be thinking, “Oh, I often say that to my children! You may be thinking, “Oh, I often say that to my children!
But you are not alone. There is probably no mother raising a child who has not said these words to her child. To be honest, I can never say that I myself did not say them while raising my children.
I think it is difficult to reduce these NG words to zero in our busy daily lives. But I think we can try to reduce them as much as possible.
Always try to be conscious of “reducing even one NG word” in your interactions with your children, and I am sure you will have more dusty times.
Text： Kyoko Kawamura
A mother who raised her children at the University of Tokyo, Kyoto University, and UCL, University of London. She runs the Motherhood Academy, which advocates an original method, "Haha-Gaku," for raising internationally successful children in an era without role models, based on the principle of "nurturing the leaders of Japan in 30 years' time.
Motherhood Academy: https://haha-gaku.com/