Part 1: The Reality of 15 Years of Adulterous Relationships Between Young Women and Married Men
There is a Reason for Adultery" - Sanae Kameyama Report
The common image of “adulterous love” seems to be that the spouse will find out and either separate or divorce issues will arise…in any case, the love will end after one or two years. In dramas, the “normal” combination is a young woman and a married man. Yes, that was true 30 years ago when I started this research. Now, however, the overwhelming majority of double affairs are those in which both parties are married.
Long-term affairs used to be rare. For example, actress Karin Yamaguchi made headlines when she publicly announced that she had been in love with married writer Kobo Abe for more than 20 years.
As we continue to interview people who have experienced what we call “adultery,” it is not uncommon for relationships to continue for 10 or 20 years. Is the reason for this simply because they are compatible, or is it because they are not bound by the “institution” of marriage? Either way, there is a long gap between the public image of “adultery” and the reality.
A “lover” who appeared after a “proper marriage
We interviewed a woman who has been in the midst of a 15-year “love affair.
The following is a brief description of the “love affair” that took place after the “proper marriage. 15 years. I was really scared of the battle with his wife. The battle with his wife was really scary.
Marie (44 years old, pseudonym) said with a wry smile. She was 27 years old when she got married. In her fifth year after joining the company after graduating from college, she fell in love at work with a senior colleague three years her senior, and had what is known as a “shotgun marriage.
She said, “I wasn’t career oriented, and in a good way, I married the right person at the right time. I didn’t have a lot of experience in relationships, and it was really a ‘moderate life’ up until then, but I was fine with that.”
She retired, became a full-time housewife, and became a “mom” when her child was born. What she did not expect was that when her child was two years old, her husband became mentally and physically ill due to exhaustion from his relationships within the company and was forced to take a leave of absence.
I never thought it would happen to my husband,” she said. But when that happened, I had no choice but to go to work. My husband was able to take care of the children, so I decided to become a temporary worker and work full time.
I enjoyed the time I spent with my children, but I also made new friends when I went out, and when I tried working, I realized that I actually liked it.
I was involved in human resource development work, the same as in my previous job. Perhaps because she had been away from work for a while, she found it strangely refreshing and enjoyable.
It was during this time that she met Michitaka (pseudonym), who was seven years older than her and ran his own company, albeit a small one.
I met him at a small seminar to improve my skills. We sat next to each other on the first day and went out for drinks on the way home the next day, so I guess we hit it off. We stayed in touch from time to time after the seminar ended.
It developed into love when one day, on the way home from dinner, he told me that he had left something at his office.
I also wanted to see his office, so we went there together. We were drinking coffee to sober us up on the sofa in the empty office, and since we were both tipsy, we got into a kind of strange mood. … I was in a strange mood….
My husband and I hadn’t done anything like that since the birth of our child. When I pressed him before, he said to me, “You are a mother, but you have such strong desires,” and I was shocked. My husband didn’t seem to have any bad intentions, but being a mother and having sexual desires are two completely different things. I was disappointed that this was the kind of person he was. From that point on, sex became a taboo subject between my husband and me.
So when Mr. Michitaka touched her in a drunken stupor, Marie trembled as if an electric current had run through her whole body. She says she clearly realized how much she had wanted this kind of act.
From “I would have preferred anyone” to “trust
Honestly, at that point, I probably would have been fine with anyone. I think I wanted to satisfy my smoldering desire. Conversely, I could say that he ignited my desire.”
Marie smiled charmingly.
They met every third day after that, mostly on the sofa in the office. Most of their encounters took place on the sofa in the office. After about three months, the “spark deep inside me” had finally subsided a bit, and they were ready to start their love affair.
I enjoyed seeing the other person’s personality and talking with him about various things, sometimes agreeing with him, sometimes not. It was fun to talk even if we didn’t agree. My husband is the type of person who thinks it’s useless to talk to people who think differently, so the conversation would soon come to a halt. He finds differences interesting.”
She doesn’t want “everything” from her husband.
Since his office and hers were close to each other, they sometimes had lunch together.
Marie’s husband later recovered and returned to work. The couple’s relationship was also apparently peaceful, with their child as an intermediary, but their sexual relationship did not return.
She said, “But I had Michitaka, so it was enough for me to keep things peaceful in the home. I thought that if I demanded everything from my husband, it would not be fulfilled, so as long as he fulfilled his role as a father, that was all that mattered. And in fact, the balance was maintained by making love and having sex outside the home, while at home I was only doing my motherly role well.”
Michitaka also had children, and there were times when they were too busy to see each other, or there were intervals when one parent became ill. However, by being frank with each other, Marie says there was “no anxiety” between the two of them.
We discussed the possibility of getting married once our children were grown. When we started falling in love, his children were 5 and 2, and ours were 2. We have a long way to go, so we don’t have marriage as an objective, though we talked about how nice it would be if such a time came someday. I had an unfounded confidence that we were destined to be together forever, even if we didn’t think about marriage. He always told me he felt the same way.”
Many people believe that their relationship is rock solid and their trust in each other is perfect, even if they are having an affair. That is probably why they are able to continue.
However, a year ago, Marie’s cell phone rang with a blocked number. When she answered, a stifled female voice asked, “Marie-san?
I answered, “Yes,” and she said, “I am Michitaka’s wife. I was so surprised that I hung up the phone. I was so surprised that I hung up the phone. He said, ‘You don’t just knock off the phone after stealing someone’s husband, do you? I was afraid of his low voice, which sounded like it was coming from the depths of the earth.
Interview and text by： Sanae Kameyama